Under frozen soles

Drawing Cows in Bruges

Woops I haven’t written a post in an awfully long time. Sometimes life just runs away with me. I have no idea what I’ve been doing in the time to be honest. Working and sleeping mostly. Life can get kind of mundane sometimes, even in Bangkok.

Come to think of it, I have moved apartments, which I suppose is a pretty major event. Just over a year ago I found a cosy apartment on Sukhumvit Road, and moved in with 1 suitcase, and 1 back pack. Moving out I used 3 suitcases, 3 backpacks, and numerous other plastic bags of bits and pieces.

I’ve collected a lot of ‘stuff’. Oh stuff. How I wish I didn’t need you, yet I always seem to want more of you. I suppose it’s not too bad, though. Most of my acquired ‘stuff’ is books, bottles of wine… fairy lights, water guns and orchids.

November is fast approaching, and I’ve been reflecting on how much I miss autumn – even though as my friends and family in England point out to me ‘it’s cold!!’. But I miss the (ok I think this is pretty clichéd …) colours of the leaves and stuff. Plus I get to wrap up in a coat and scarf and drink gingerbread lattes and think of Christmas.  And make apple crumble. And I make a ruddy good apple crumble.

The main thing I miss is the sea. Living in Brighton, the seafront was my thinking spot. I often paced up and down, sometimes walking vast stretches, emptier – apart from the odd runner – with the onslaught of winter approaching. The waves’ mood became unpredictable, changing day by day from calm and pleasant with reflections of cobalt and an amber sun, to heavy and crashing, the colour of a dull, mottled sky. I often associate music with memories, and ‘Foals’ is my music of choice for this one, specifically ‘Total life Forever‘. It helps me recreate narrow streets and very steep hills, crunchy orange leaves on the ground against a backdrop of white terraced houses, pebbles, seagulls, and relinquishing the achingly long days of summer sun.

In Thailand, people look forward to less rain, less humidity, slightly cooler weather, and clear blue cloudless skies. It’s refreshing, and weather I look forward to immensely. Inevitably though, I will be caught wistfully thinking of gloved hands and cold noses, being given hot cups of tea by friends, wearing fluffy socks and going inside because it’s warmer, not cooler.

Little bit homesick…

I am feeling homesick today. Have been pretty ill – just a cold, the same cold I’ve had for at least a week… nearly two! Sore throat, sore nose, sore head, just feel absolutely rubbish.

So I think feeling run down is contributing to it.

Also for some reason was thinking about Christmas, and how much I love it, and how I won’t get to celebrate it with my family this year. Highly doubt I can afford to go home, or should for that matter – I need to settle here more. Christmas is totally not the same here at all. Sad times.

I guess this is culture shock, but in a different way to how I experienced it before. In a way I was expecting this…
I was so excited to be coming back .. now I’m here and over the initial excitement, it’s kinda back to reality. I don’t have a new and exciting job, I have the same one I had before, and everything is surprisingly the same… and I’m starting to wonder if I should have gone somewhere completely new.

But at the same time I know I do like it here – there were definite reasons for wanting to come back.. I want to properly experience Thailand more this time. I am hoping that when I learn Thai it will make me see Thailand as a whole new place again, and open up a lot of things to me. Like… there have been a good few times when I have really wanted to talk with Thai people, when they’ve obviously wanted to talk to me too, but we’ve both been limited by the language. It’s hard when you can’t really make small talk with people… and also when you know people are talking about you but you don’t know what they’re saying. Kind of makes me paranoid…

I have a few people I can go out with – have made friends with a small group who are friends of a friend who works with me… they all met at a TEFL course. So that’s cool – but still, theyre not my friends from home or my family, and I really miss Brighton. I love Brighton so much, in the back of my mind I think I will always wonder why on earth I left!! But it will always be there… Oh Brighton. I love you. Right now I really really want to eventually settle in Brighton, I can’t think of any faults with it! This is a process of the whole culture shock thing too though I am sure – I’m feeling like Bangkok is rubbish.

Change is difficult – part of me wonders why on earth I do it to myself. It’s very hard moving to different countries, by myself too, and making pretty major decisions. Obviously I have to stick it out and remember change also helps me to grow and develop. Challenges are always good – but not always easy.

Still… feeling negative :( and not sure how to combat it. I’ve eaten so much junk food right now… it hasn’t helped :(

———-Update———
Feeling a little better. For several reasons:

1. I have a cup of tea. Made with creamer… but nonetheless. TEA. And none of that Lipton rubbish. Tesco Lotus Finest. Nothing like a good cup of tea when you’re feeling down.

2. I also have Tylenol Cold medicine. 15 baht. No idea if it will work – never taken it before (Tylenol is really very American). But 15 baht! That’s so cheap it’s unreal. And another reason I love living around the Thong Lor area – I know where to go to get things like that. I know where to get medicine, photos, food, snacks… and it’s all a lot cheaper than the UK.

(Still not lemsip though…!)

3. I have also had a long nap, with the air con on. That’s a major issue I have with being ill in Thailand, when I get hot flushes I am just SO hot, it’s just plain uncomfortable. But it makes snuggling up in bed with the air con so much of a treat. I have a fluffy blanket, not a duvet/comforter, which I much much prefer – I don’t get hot if there is no a/c, but at the same time it’s just snuggly!!

For now I think it’s bed… and tv…